What is my mask?

First bit of introspection, what is the mask that I seem to wear? I think the mask is the reason why I'm always happy around people, I never have a completely down and grumpy day. Sure I might be tired but I still joke around. so far this doesn't seem like a problem. In fact, I'm sure there are loads of people who wish this was true of themselves. The problem comes when I realise that for this reason I avoid conflict, I cannot stand it when people fight, and I am too scared to tell someone that they offended me.

Am I scared that people will only like me whilst I'm happy and never offended by the things they say? Am scared that if I stand up for something I believe in people will reject me because I am not your average person? I know that technically that shouldn't bother me in the least, but it does. I know academically that people would accept me as I am, but I haven't been able to remove the mask of happiness, and relaxation. I haven't told anyone that a flippant comment they made actually hurt. I haven't brought myself to trust them that much.

So is my mask something that hides a lack of trust in others or is something that hides the fact that I am scared of rejection? Possibly I would say a bit of both. I do not have enough trust to share all my feelings, and I am definitely terrified of being rejected by everyone, even though I know that will never happen.

First time around

Taking the first step in doing something like this is often scary. In fact, I'm find that putting my thoughts out where anyone could see them, is possibly one of the scariest things I could do. However, that leads me to the point of the blog. Not written so that everybody knows exactly who I am, this is meant to make me feel free to say anything. I don 't want to be ridiculus though.
I want to put what I'm feeling or thinking, but I'm too scared to share in day to day life, on here. In other words, find what is on the other side of the mask I suspect I wear. This is the first step, accepting that there is a mask to look behind. So I hope I don't come across as an angsty teenager, but I do want to look at myself carefully and I hope to learn something.