First bit of introspection, what is the mask that I seem to wear? I think the mask is the reason why I'm always happy around people, I never have a completely down and grumpy day. Sure I might be tired but I still joke around. so far this doesn't seem like a problem. In fact, I'm sure there are loads of people who wish this was true of themselves. The problem comes when I realise that for this reason I avoid conflict, I cannot stand it when people fight, and I am too scared to tell someone that they offended me.
Am I scared that people will only like me whilst I'm happy and never offended by the things they say? Am scared that if I stand up for something I believe in people will reject me because I am not your average person? I know that technically that shouldn't bother me in the least, but it does. I know academically that people would accept me as I am, but I haven't been able to remove the mask of happiness, and relaxation. I haven't told anyone that a flippant comment they made actually hurt. I haven't brought myself to trust them that much.
So is my mask something that hides a lack of trust in others or is something that hides the fact that I am scared of rejection? Possibly I would say a bit of both. I do not have enough trust to share all my feelings, and I am definitely terrified of being rejected by everyone, even though I know that will never happen.
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